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Monday, November 10, 2008

Cross Roads

I am again at cross roads. My last two years of graduate education has put me in such a comfortable position that I am just unwilling to budge. Oh! Sparing the first year though when I had to go through a psycho landlady, an even more psycho roommate; a few burnt feathers at the end of it, life almost changed after I started living on campus. With a house just five minutes from all good things – lab, Tim Horton’s/Starbucks and all my dear friends, I am nestled with all cozy comforts that university life provides. I am reminded of the cheese story. :)

But, its time to move on now. I am done with my Master’s and I have to move out of campus. I know I am just kidding myself that I will still be able to live the same life but it’s just not going to be the same whether I take up a job or I continue to do further studies in Netherlands. My grad life has been unique to me because I think for the first time in my life I truly had lot of friends and really really enjoyed myself. My undergrad life was very simple. It was about 9 girls in my class and the biggest thing that we did was go together for a movie after each semester exam :). Life was extremely simple. I did enjoy it but never did I really do anything different or unpredictable. In fact I was such a home pigeon that never once have my parents complained about me being out of bounds or typically “ooru suttifying” type of a person. The only “social” activities that I involved myself in were the time to time volleyball matches, social service activities :D and that’s about it. But I guess grad life gave me that living on the edge experience ( Okie now, compared to a looooot of other people this might be peanuts but hey I am my own judge here :)). I have ooru suttified so damn much that I some times feel that I need some time and space of my own. I have thoroughly enjoyed myself. Every single time I need anything, feel lonely or am simply bored, I have some one to pamper me. It is almost like a family.

Simply put, I am just scared to get out of my comfort zone and start all over again, especially if I am going to Netherlands. I know that the program is good and worse come worse career wise I will be exactly where I am today. I am pretty excited that its “Europe” and I will obviously have a looot of new things to dig in…new culture and come to think of it I would have lived in three continents by then. I will sort of have a work experience by the end of it. And plus its major time recession period now. Its probably the best time to be in Grad school :D. I will be out of this program by 2011 and baam!! the economy is back to normal and the princess lives happily ever after. Sighhhhhhhhh!!! That was a good dream. Well, okie so that’s the supposed good side of it. But the truth is I have got to face two years of loneliness in a totally new place where even the language is unknown to me and I have to come on top of it at the end of it all. Lets face it there is obviously no family there and I would be more than happy to have even a few decent desis around. And more importantly it must all actually help in the fulfillment of my big dreams ( ‘ado anda paravail pola vazhavendum’ look :D ). Haha….I am majorly confused.

Hmmmmmmmmm!!!! I need to focus on trying to get a job here a little bit more. The opportunities are less but I have gotta try. Meanwhile I don’t know where I should live, coz the campus residence people will kick us out in a month, should go to India in December…..arrrghhhh!!! My daddu darling has come out here meanwhile for about a 15 days and I am basically completely caught up with him and totally cribbing about things as such. Gosh I am such a whino! I keep whining all the time. I know, I can see it myself. Sometimes in life I feel that I keep thinking of such small things that are totally in control and normal. I do keep reminding that to myself. For instance, one of grandma has a brain tumor, the size of a tennis ball in her brain!!! My whole family is just freaking out. She is the principal of DAV girl’s school in Chennai and is one of the softest and nicest people I have met. My mom said she is taking the whole situation with calm and dignity. Fate can be cruel. It can present some ugly things that can just throw your entire life into a crazy spin. Where do issues like mine go when some one is dealing with a life and death situation? To the bin…literally.

Things will eventually work out one way or the other for me. At the end of it though I just want to feel that I have given it my best shot. Meanwhile, I am going to enjoy my time with my chella daddu and give him all my enthu. :)
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