Confused!

Have you ever felt totally confused and chaotic at 23. Well I do. Probably one of those days when everything just seems bad. Sometimes I wonder what the heck am I doing? Why am I doing my Masters in some freaking subject and spending hours on some device that nobody is ever going to use. Ever!!!. Just sick of working like a monkey over and over again on the same shit. Just sick of all people and the million politics, sick of finding jobs, sick of talking to people and explaining why am not getting a job, sick of the school, sick of cleaning the house, sick of cooking, sick of every damn thing. I just feel going on top of a montain and yelling and screming and throwing mud, pulling out grass and just behaving insanely. Feel like boarding a train and just suddenly disappear into some remote place, some place that even I don't know of. Some other world that has nothing to do with this one. Some place where I can stop thinking.

The funniest or perhaps the saddest part is that I don't know what exactly it is that I want. I am just clueless. I am this jack of all trades who has absolutely no idea how exactly I fit in this world. I just don't have a sense of belonging anywhere. I have no idea what my future holds for me. Even to this day I always feel probably I am more artistic than scientific. I should have taken interior designing, fashion designing, journalism, become a TV show host or some shit like that. I can even go as far as a biologist.

Today we took a bunch of high school girls to the cleanroom and at the end of it I was supposed to say what motivated me to take up Engineering. hehe...I did fake a super inspiring speech then but to be honest I don't know. To me it was more like after 12 th , you do Engineering or medical. I din't get into medical so I took up Engineering.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!Okie thats my heavy sighing....:)..I know in a day or two I will be okie. I will be.:) Just doing my usual stuff - Cribbing!!!

Exorcise for fitness

After successfully convincing myself that I was too busy with research work and dodging the gym and its like for several months I finally decided to make a foray into the world of fitness. Franky the fitness freaks around me cornered me into doing it.

So to motivate myself I have set a target for myself. There is a 5k run on June 19th at my University. And my aim is to run/jog/trot/walk fastly and some how complete the run decently.So today after the sun set ( I cannot absolutely risk running in the light!!!!) I geared up and fully dressed I set about to begin my training session.

9:30pm - Quietest Road on Campus

Frantically look about to check if anybody is around and sighting nobody,began. Now, on hind sight that is perhaps one of the most stupidest thing to do. a) There is mostly nobody in that street in broad day light (Lord bless Canada's population) . b) What the heck, so what if some girl is trotting in some strange manner. Okie, so I set up my timer in the mobile phone and taking a deep breath I started. I begin decently. I told myself that I shouldn't be exerting too much to begin with so jogged slowly. Slowly I started sweating, my hear was pounding and my leg muscles began aching. I pushed myself further and further. I decided not to stop till it was absolutely impossible to take one more step. I run, run, run ( jog, trot, walk rapidly) until I just can't do anymore. I was pretty pleased with myself. Ah! For someone running after err....don't know when I ran last...if running for bus, free food etc counts well, then not so long ago, I had exceeded my expectations.

9:35pm - Same Quietest Road - 200m away from starting point

I proudly wipe a bead off my forehead, take out my mobile phone and look at the timer - Damn it!!!!!!! It was barely 5 minutes since I started.:(.... And I almost had a heart attack!!! Damn it!!! I am 23...and I can hardly run for 5 minutes......I wonder how I will be 20 years from now. Hmmmmmmmm.............................


Am going to make a constant conscious effort towards my fitness.......................................:D...."when u want it the most....there's no easy way out......